~SplitEnds

I need to improve.

& I've finally realized by how much.

I'm not sure if this insight is 'good' or 'bad'.

. good- because it will will me to better myself artistically?
. bad[?]- self awareness in the artistic field, and a growing distaste of my 'deviations' so far?

There are some that I enjoy looking at [again], but only because there is a concept or meaning to give it backbone and lungs. But others? Random doodling that just-so-happened to end up appealing. Mud flicked at a wall, and happened to land in an artistic manner. But the appeal only lasts for a time. They quickly grow old from lack of depth, and I finally realize that they never took a breath. It was only fun at the time, but watching[/staring at?] something inanimate without any imagination? It gets old, and you begin to wonder why you wasted your time in the first place.

I dont want that for any of my 'creations'. I dont want doodles... unless they help me achieve something in the future. I dont want to create something that doesnt wish to live.

I want something that has it's own will by the time I create it. That it pops out of nowhere[?] like an unexpected pregnancey. I want it to force my hands to physically portray it [to both 'our' likings].

To give it a chance to grow lungs, a chance to breathe, a chance to live!

...

...

I've been told I resemble Virgin Mary, and I find that flattering. And maybe I could be just like her in a strange sense or fashion.

I'm not saying I could ever do what she did..

.. but I could give birth to something amazing and still keep my legs closed.